“Shit, how did this get here?” I say, lifting Musette’s wallet off the desk. The place is a mess. I haven’t even drunk in ages. There is no weed in the house. Hasn’t been since we moved in. Work. It takes time from you. Who knows this better than my friends who used to see me all of the time and who now say that it is dangerous being my friend as I am a wild card.

My e-cigarette is malfunctioning. It locks automatically without my having pressed the button five times rapidly to lock it.

I don’t know if there’s time for coffee. Stamps, my brother, and a post office nearby. The dog needs to be walked. There is something different about the way I woke up this morning. The dishes all dirty in the sink. It’s as though I am becoming horrendous. The shower turns on, so cold at first followed by a blazing heat. One tap too far and you’re scalded where you stand. I put the pot on the kettle and hop in. There is no need for masturbation. I saw the cute German couple yesterday, but the girl has short chubby fingers. I don’t know if I will find her again. There is an ancient Tibetan text of the dead that reads that you become an accumulation of all the people you masturbated to in your last life. I guess I’m becoming a girl.

What choice do I have? I was born this way.


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