Grimro was online today. We played together. I was able to use my voice for the first time in a long time. It was fun playing with a compatriot in the crucible. We were communicating like watch left, good shot, and grenade! But then another friend of his joined the party, and his talking back and forth with Grimro made it difficult for me to get a word in.

This got to me. I started playing badly. In one round I got three kills and fourteen deaths. I played a couple more mediocre rounds, and then I let go of my controller, rage quitting.

Next time a situation like this happens, I’m going to try to remember that when I’m playing at night while Musette is sleeping, I say no words and make no sounds, and I play fine, so there is no need for me to express myself when there are other people around. I don’t need to score points with these people. I am a man. I can keep my emotions within myself. I don’t need to vent over the microphone. I am a writer. I can vent here to you, the audience, the page, that one person that I am writing to, whether it be a baby or a blonde woman in Ireland.

This is what they pay me for. The legendary marks on Destiny aren’t going to pay my bills. This is why The Lord keeps dropping my connection. He’s trying to drop me into a better version of myself. He’s helping me become a success. If I follow his plan for me then I might get that KickStarter I’ve been dreaming about that will bring me to a city near you. Wouldn’t that be nice, letting my voice boom freely, controlling the room without interruption or some other person’s uncontrollable leakage spilling over and drowning it out?

My Destiny has been in the red for days, and it doesn’t make any sense. My internet connection is fine. How can it not be? I pay good money for this service, and I’m not pirating movies anymore. I adhere to the cease and desist requests. There’s nothing wrong with me. I’m following the law to the letter. BDSM is not illegal unless you live in Great Britain and you’re a woman.

I am a man. We are allowed to cum all over girls’ faces. We can beat them until they’re bloody. So why can’t I play a crucible match without notices from Bungie telling me that I am moments away from losing my stats?

It just doesn’t make any sense…

I release from the struggle, slumping the controller to the floor like a set of discarded handcuffs.

The Lord has my best intentions at heart.

You should be writing, It says. You have seen the hangman’s vision. Let go and log into destiny.

Everybody is sleeping but me, so I get on Chaturbate and cum to a girl wearing a tiger mask. She was wearing a zebra mask but switched to the tiger one because the person who sent the masks to her told her to.

It’s been weird stuff lately that has been working wonders on the ol’ cam shaft. Is it then that I am underloved or maybe over, I ask, rolling around in the bed and then out into the next morning.

The battlefront awaits.

I take the schmig and suck a piece of cotton up into my throat.

That’s probably not the best thing, I say.

Luckily, I have a five pack of coils on the way, having ordered them yesterday before going to work. I imagine they’ll arrive tomorrow or the next day. Musette has tomorrow off. I don’t. She’ll be here by herself. I have a work party on Sunday. Musette has to work. The boss is going to bring weed and moonshine. I haven’t smoked in like a year. Not since working there. None of my coworkers or bosses know that I don’t smoke, unless my boss is reading this blog now which is highly possible being that the site that I submitted my cbd article to for the store linked here.

It’s been raining all day. The oily drops slide down the window in front of my desk. The sky is gray pushing through the black shade weakly.

I put some peanut butter toast into the toaster with the country style bread that we got from Fresh Direct. It’s past four when I get up to go to the Chinese super store for the wrapping paper. Getting the paper, I return home and masturbate to two naked girls being lesbians with each other for the first time, their first time being lesbians at all in fact.

It’s amazing what extacy can do, says a commenter on another video, that is supposedly about two sisters being lesbians with each other for the first time.

It’s not true, says someone else. They’re not sisters. They’re prostitutes. This video has been around forever.

That’s why I stopped watching that one and switched to the one about the two first timers, it being much more believable albeit less risque.

I just want to lie back down. But there is coffee in the press and a bagel in my stomach. It’s four minutes to nine thirty. I woke up at nine today. I’m really changing things up. Already so sick of being awake though. Just want to lie back down.

There is a pumpkin cream cheese muffin sitting on my computer. I didn’t eat it when she gave it to me because I was playing Star Wars. I still can’t get myself to eat it, so I put it back in the plastic, planning on eating it tomorrow.

I use the force to merge myself with the day. The force flows through us all, including the soldiers on the battlefront that aren’t Luke Skywalker, or Darth Vader, or the emperor. Forget about midichlorians. The force flows through the galaxy. We are the force. We are more than murky matter. We are light and energy. The matter is an extension of us as it is an extension of the galaxy which we are an extension of. I am a Jedi knight of the holy grail. I have never gotten into a fight though. The Jedi are not supposed to attack. They are supposed to be in a calm state at all times. There is some dark force running through me. But the force wants balance. I’m trying to embody a balanced state. Still though, I’ve never gotten into a fight. I almost did though, at the World Trade Center, when my dad was trying to save that girl from being beaten up by her abusive boyfriend. That is something that a Jedi would do. Because I did that, I am more of a Jedi than I was before I did that.

We arrive home and put the groceries away. As soon as that’s done, I put the game in the Playstation and begin the installation process. While it installs, it lets you play a minigame where you are Darth Vader and you kill as many soldiers as you can.  

This is how it starts. Another Destiny. The Playstation digging its claws back into me, hungry for more of my time. I need to try and control myself. I get so wrapped up in these games. Alternate realities where I do all this work and earn all these credits but am not able to support my family with them.

I have things that I have to do. There is sleep that has to be had, masturbation sessions that must take place, and these words need to keep coming out or I’ll get behind on the days.